Reflections

It has been almost two months since I elected to have the abortion, and not a day goes by when I don't think about how thankful I am to have been able to make that choice for myself.

I visited my friends and their new month-old baby (not the same friend who did IVF), and it was a joy to see them all: mom, dad, and baby daughter, all so happy to be with each other. It didn't hurt, nor did it make me regret my decision to terminate my pregnancy. I had known from the beginning that I wanted to be a mother, but not under current circumstances. I want stability and security for my children, and by that, I don't mean that I want to have kids only when I've earned enough money to buy a house in California (which is a monstrous amount of money by most standards). I mean that I want both my partner and myself to have a stable living when we make the decision to start a family. One can argue that nothing is predictable, and that the future is uncertain, but I want to make sure that the odds are in our favor at the moment in time when we decide to have children. That's the least I can do for everyone involved.

I am so grateful to Planned Parenthood for providing the services that they do, not only with pregnancy counseling, but with health care, yearly check-ups, exams, and blood testing. I can't even imagine what I would have done, had they not existed. I will definitely be a life-long donor as soon as I graduate and find a job.

After all that's said and done, I am even more pro-Choice now, and it is regretful that most people on "the other side" have selective comprehension regarding that term. Pro-Choice is not "pro-death." Pro-Choice, to me, means just that: I am for giving everyone the choice to make for themselves one of the most personal and fundamental, life-changing decisions of all, without any pressure on one side or another.

I'm never going to say to someone who got pregnant accidentally, "You should have an abortion!" That's not what Pro-Choice means. I would say, "You should think about where you are in life right now, and whether you are ready to provide for this child everything that it needs for a good chance in life. If your answer is yes, then go for it! I'm behind you every step of the way and I will rejoice with you when you welcome your child into the world. If your answer is no, then I will be behind you as well, and I will be there for you so that you know you're not alone in this difficult decision."

No one has the right to presume to make this decision for anyone else. No one. This decision is the inherent right of all women to make for themselves. Yes, mistakes may be made. It may be as much a mistake for one woman to opt for an abortion as it may be for another to opt for having the child. But there is no qualified judge of that except time and the women themselves, and the mere fact that mistakes may be made is no excuse to take this right away from anyone.

Do I wish that circumstances were different enough that I could have kept the baby? Yes, of course. Do I think that I made a mistake in terminating the pregnancy under the circumstances which I face? No. And that's unequivocal.

My partner and I regret that we had to make the decision that we made, but we will never regret that decision. It's a subtle difference, but it's as important and undeniable as life itself.