When All Is Said And Done

Five days after the termination, I am feeling pretty stable. There have been moments of sadness, but I am not overwhelmed, mainly because I can now move on with everything I've been putting aside since the discovery, but now, I have a renewed purpose.

Good news from my best friend: she was able to see her baby on the ultrasound, 7 weeks, 4 mm, and saw the heartbeat. Out of four embryos implanted, one took. There's still some danger of miscarriage, but I have a good feeling about this. She doesn't want to tell everyone until the end of the first trimester. My thoughts and best wishes are with her, and I have a good feeling about her pregnancy.

My own pregnancy lasted four weeks, exactly -- if not a few days less. It has changed my life, the way I see things, and the way I see my future. Before, I took everything around me for granted, my present and my future. I would, as a matter of course, find a job and eventually marry. And have a family at some point. All very well and good before you really have an idea of the true impact of these things, what these things mean.

Now, I see everything in a whole new light. I am not doing anything because it's what's expected of me anymore, or simply because I had some vague idea of having to do those things because everyone did them. I choose to fulfill my career aspirations and pay off my student loans before I get married to the love of my life. I choose to spend more time with him, alone, giving us time to cement our bond and work out our issues.

I feel as if I have been given a second chance to do things right, and I will be forever grateful for this chance.