More Waiting

I need to find a new term to call my boyfriend. It sounds too informal, too nonchalant to actually reflect how important he is to me right now. My soul mate? Too corny. I stopped believing in soul mates once I outgrew my teenaged fantasies of being rescued from my droll life by a figurative knight in shining armor. Back then, I thought that if I only had someone who loved me the way you saw only in books and movies and poems, I -- we -- would be able to weather anything. At some point, after too many disappointments and failed relationships, I let go of that idea. As I cast about for descriptions more appropriate for our bond, though, the term "soul mate" seems the most fitting.

Last night, we held each other, and talked and laughed and smiled and cried. Reality sank in for me, and I felt a bit more comfortable with our decision. And I realized that I have to keep this blog un-updated for a while, until it's all over, so that my thoughts and emotions during this time can be his and mine alone. I will still write here, but I will not publish them until it is all said and done.

But today, we went to the clinic, and stood in line with a few other people, mostly women -- some with children, some obviously young and alone, or with a friend. When my turn came, I was informed none too kindly that the nurse on duty for today's walk-in was not trained to do ultrasounds. I almost panicked. I had been told yesterday the next appointment wasn't until the 10th. What was I to do until then?

The receptionist said that there was nothing she could do today, but that she could give me an appointment tomorrow. How does that work? Yesterday, there weren't any appointments until the 10th, and today, there's an appointment for tomorrow?

We made the appointment and left the clinic. We held each other for a long while before we headed back. I had expected to be treated with more sensitivity, but I suppose the clinic workers see this everyday and get a little numb to it all.

The rest of the day beckons. There are classes to attend, and work to be done. Keep moving.