Days 1 and 2

I am now in the middle of Day 2.

Yesterday was Day 1. The nurse came in and talked about contraceptive options with me, and I decided there that no principle of being natural and not using hormones on a long-term basis was worth the risk of getting pregnant again. I felt like a weak, undisciplined person in admitting that the only thing I can see myself reliably using 100% of the time as directed was the Nuva Ring. But life has a way of getting so hectic that you forget about or overlook the most basic necessities: 8 glasses of water a day; god knows how many servings of fruits, fibers, and proteins; and one little pill. Why is that? Such a simple, little thing. So easy to forget, and yet so crucial.

Short of getting my tubes tied right then and there (and even *that* isn't 100%!), the Nuva Ring was best. I accept my failings as a spoiled-ass woman of modern Western society. I can face a flawed self-identity, but I will not allow myself and my life's companion, the love of my life, to face another accidental pregnancy.

Anyhow, Day 1 arrived. We went to the clinic. More paperwork. I'd read through all of it the night before, but somehow there was always more. After the nurse left, having done her duty (for which I am grateful) and made me face the need for a method of contraception that I won't have any excuses for not using, the clinician came.

All day long, and even the night before, I was calm and ready. It was time. And so, with somber acknowledgement of my choice, I took the pill, and there was no turning back.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, and I didn't feel many side effects other than having a bit of indigestion, but that always happens when I'm nervous. And I slept fitfully. I would be lying if I said I didn't wake during the night and wonder what was happening inside me. I thought of the cycle of life and death in which we are all entangled, and I thought of the lessons that I will take with me to my next life. I looked at my love, lying next to me, and I was comforted by his presence.

Today is Day 2. There won't be much to write about, really. Everything that happens from now on is to be expected. There will be pain, both physical and psychological, since I will carry the responsibility for this for the rest of my life. But I feel blessed by our shooting star, our guardian angel, which came to humble me and shake me out of a misinformed existence, one in which I believed myself invincible, in a way. "That would never happen to me -- I'd make sure of it," I used to think. No more. I am sorry that it took something this drastic, and that it took such a grave sacrifice for me to learn this lesson. But learn it I have, and our future family will never take our guardian angel for granted.