The Barrage

I had no idea that my blog had been linked from a pro-life site. I was hoping it would remain non-partisan, merely a record of my own experiences for others who may be in my position in the future to look at.

I did get a lot of email, mostly from those who were trying to persuade me not to go through with the abortion. Only one email was supportive in a calm and rational manner, not overwrought with heartrending descriptions of their own regret or pleading with me to keep the baby.

I got angry. I'm still angry. There are strangers out there who are trying to project their feelings of guilt and shame upon me -- people who don't even know my past or present circumstances other than what I've revealed. What do they know? That I'm pregnant, that it was unplanned, that my partner and I have decided it to be for the best that we postpone parenthood for another while yet.

Yes, I could feel the emotions behind some of the emails that were written, but at the heart of most of them were this idea: "I was naive like you, and now (years later), I am torn to bits about my decision, and you will be, too." That's a bit condescending, in my opinion: to believe that what applies to you will apply to others without exception. As far as I'm concerned, if you are consumed with guilt, you must do what it takes to move beyond that. It does not behoove you to try to keep other people from making their own, informed decisions. And if those people end up suffering in the same way, then they need to do what it takes to move beyond that, too. There is too strong of a religion of guilt in this country. And I don't mean "religion" in the sense of gods and worship.

Part of personal responsibility is to be able to move beyond the guilt, because feeling guilty is also a form of self-pity. That may be an armchair psychologist point of view, but I stand by it. If I end up regretting this decision, which I probably won't, then I will deal with it and do what I need to do, personally, to move beyond it. But I won't actively seek out other women and say, look at me -- I was once like you. If you don't want to be like me one day, then you should stop what you're doing!

Why would anyone want to do that to themselves? Why would anyone want to view themselves as so powerless over their own fates?

Make peace with your own demons, but do not hoist them unto others. They are yours and yours alone to suffer and -- most importantly -- to conquer.