What Happened?

I screwed up, that's what happened. It's as simple as that, and I don't deny it.

I wanted to give my boyfriend and myself the intimacy of having sex without having to use a condom. Mind you, we are committed to each other, so don't start yelling about STD's and AIDS. They're very real concerns which do not apply in this case because we were and are both clean and reliable, and committed to keeping each other that way.

Anyway, I researched on the net and decided that an ovulation predictor kit would be the most scientific, safest way to avoid pregnancy without going back to the pill, which I was on for about 10 years and had trouble staying on schedule with. It's an irrational desire not to be on birth control pills, I think, but after 10 years, I was done being a slave to a pill dispenser.

My natural cycle settled back in at around 32-37 days. The ovulation predictor kit would show me, through crystal ferning in my saliva, whether or not I was fertile. It made sense: people seem to have such trouble conceiving these days, and I didn't think that I would be the exception. Scientifically, women are only fertile for six days of the entire cycle, according to the studies cited by the ovulation predictor kits. So the reasoning seemed sound that if we avoided unprotected sex during and around those six days, we would be fine.

I dutifully examined my dried saliva daily under the microscope, as the kit instructed. And sure enough, there it was: crystals, first sparse, then densely packed and beautiful as snowflakes, then disintegrating, and finally, nothing but blobules from my spit. I thought we were safe. I showed the results to my boyfriend, who trusted me, and we made love to each other in the most natural way.

I tracked my saliva daily, and crystals began to creep back in, but only a few. The booklet had said that some women would show crystals a few days before the period, due to hormonal changes, so I wasn't worried. I certainly didn't think that I was pregnant, since the booklet said that the crystals would remain if I became pregnant. For me, the crystals had disappeared completely before we had unprotected sex, indicating that I was in a period of infertility. so when it came back, I wasn't alarmed and was waiting for my period to begin.

Since my cycle ranged from 32-37 days, I went about my days without much concern. My breasts had become swollen and tender, but I thought that it was the regular PMS, as before. But by day 38, I was worried. My breasts were more swollen than they had ever been before, and they hurt more than anytime before, too. I still didn't think I was pregnant, since I had faith in the ovulation predictor kit, which was still showing only minor crystallizations at this point.

So on the night of the 38th day of my cycle, one official day after my period should have begun, I used a home pregnancy test (HPT). The second line was so faint that I doubted that it was there. On the other hand, we had gone out for a few drinks at the pub before I tested, so my urine was pretty diluted. I decided to test the next morning.

The second line was darker this time, and there was no doubt that it was there. Somehow, I had gotten pregnant despite following the directions of the ovulation predictor kit.

Perhaps there are too many variables to the saliva kits, and too much margin for error due to having to visually interpret the presence of crystals. Perhaps if I had used the urine predictor kits, it would have been more accurate. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. One thing was clear, though, I'd screwed up, and got us pregnant.